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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894446">a waltz with the willow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/samarasharazi/pseuds/samarasharazi'>samarasharazi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - 60's, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, England (Country), Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Period-Typical Homophobia, balls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:29:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/samarasharazi/pseuds/samarasharazi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The ball lasts until midnight, but Mark finds that the lights aren’t as bright as they were. Like a magician, Yukhei took it all with him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a waltz with the willow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello!! this is a really small little piece I recently wrote and I really hope you like it! it's kinda different idk, it's got a different vibe to my other works and I'd really appreciate if you could leave any comment, even if it's little. I'd love everything you guys give me, even you just reading this is enough for me &lt;3333</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/doiekookie">my twitter</a><br/><a href="https://curiouscat.me/samarasharazi">my curious cat</a></p><p> </p><p>comment, kudos, cc, I appreciate them all! love you all</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>𝐇𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 - 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬</p><p>𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐀 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧 - 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧</p><p> </p><p>ℳ</p><p> </p><p>He stands there and stares at the crystals of the chandelier hanging in the centre of the ballroom. He marvels at its beauty and how it shines the light across the room, refracting and reflecting colours of the rainbow on every wall and panel of the room. It brings life to the party in a way the dancing or wandering bodies can’t do.</p><p>Mark stands to the side and stays silent, smiling when he’s observed or welcomed, flexing fingers staying behind his back every time he bows at the next person to greet him. (He’s seen the same dress three times now, all with expensive tastes in their own right. Still, the dress seems to be very popular.)</p><p>Many come to do that, to compliment him for ‘hosting such a brilliant ball and wow, you’re estate is so lovely!’ but he hardly takes notice. The music is more interesting than any chatter people could possibly bring to him. He much rather let the waves of the soft notes lull him into wandering to the middle of the dance floor, enticing him to dance.</p><p>His body refuses every time.</p><p>His heart speaks as if it's another person, however. One that is ever hardly heard.</p><p>See, Mark’s heart yearns for many things. To dance. To laugh. To share. To be selfish. All these things he cannot have are all the things he wants. And it feels unbearable to be incapable of mending your soul back into one. Everything, all the time, feels divided. Even now.</p><p>So he stares at the chandelier and smiles instead, allowing these wishes and dreams to swim in his head while the couples swish their coats and frilled dresses on the floor, sharing their laughs as they are meant to.</p><p>Perhaps it’s too painful to look ahead and watch them all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What a fine young boy with an intelligent past. Shame he turns down every girl that takes interest in him.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s quite unattractive, I must say.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“His father used to be the same, you know. I’ve heard the stories.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh! Do tell me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mark hears it all the time, when he rounds corners or walks through doors, though no one will ever dare and say it right to his face. It seems two metres away is good enough, though.</p><p>It’s so easy for everybody to talk about him, the boy with no family. Scarred by the lack of love that he refuses to make it himself.</p><p>It’s always just talk, talk, talk. Heads spin as soon as he enters a room and suddenly the world is abuzz.</p><p>As long as they’re not looking at him when they talk their shit, then no one cares if Mark hears. That’s what Donghyuck always tells him when he sees him looking a little glum.</p><p>Mark thinks it’s his own little way of making the young master try and feel better. Even though they all know it never works.</p><p>But it’s okay, he thinks, he gets it. That’s all he needs. Himself. Perhaps everyone else <em>is </em>right.</p><p>Well, they are. It pains Mark to admit the truth.</p><p>He does have desires for that ‘another’. The one to fill up the lonely space that tries to pick at the hollow cavities in his heart, where cobwebs build up and the dust is too great.</p><p>The darkness in that part of the house is too dark to step inside and try and find the light switch. Fear is what creates that darkness. And the desire for that person dims.</p><p>Someone taps on his shoulder, making Mark turn his head. His hands fall by his sides.</p><p>“Mr. Lee?” Donghyuck asks, looking only a little hesitant. Mark supposes that it isn’t the first time he’s called his name. Maybe he’ll need to have a talk with Johnathan later on about his aloofness these past few weeks.</p><p>Right now though, he shakes his head free and hums, lifting his mouth into a smile. He finds that it doesn’t feel as leathery as he thought it would.</p><p>He’s getting better at this. This whole ‘I’m fine’ thing. Such an intricate charade he’s mastered. He should feel proud.</p><p>He is proud.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>He’s totally fine.</p><p>“Mr. Wong has arrived and is asking for your presence outside, sir.”</p><p>He’s totally not fine.</p><p> </p><p>ℳ</p><p> </p><p>“You came.”</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“I’m surprised.”</p><p>Mark sighs, watching as the condensation from his breath flutters through the nighttime air before mixing right into the black sky. His knees keep hitting the columns off the balcony, shocking his bones with the cold stone.</p><p>It’s a nice distraction from the warm body that suffocates him, standing to the side of him. Their hands are dangerously close, lying on the ledge, gloveless.</p><p>It makes Mark’s heart race a mile a second. And it feels ground-breaking.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be,” he says, watching the gaslights line the lawn. Each one illumines the neatly-trimmed rose bushes and citrus trees that give fruit to the whole neighbourhood. And in the centre is natures own dance floor, an evenly mowed and green lawn the size of a court. One so perfect to run around on and throw your jacket.</p><p>To lie down on the dewy grass and watch the clouds turn or dusty stars appear in front you. To fall asleep with the one you love holding your hand.</p><p>Yukhei looks at Mark then, his face puzzled. “I shouldn’t?”</p><p>Mark shakes his head.</p><p>“Don’t doubt the things I’d do for you.”</p><p>Mark wants to run around on the lawn with Yukhei, holding his hand with his tie loosened so much it falls off with the breeze behind them. He wants to see how loud they can shout without laughing, then hold their breaths in a competition of who’d win.</p><p>It’s cold right now, and there’s a ball going on inside. But someday it’ll happen. On a day where fear doesn’t dare darken his heart.</p><p>A gust of wind makes the trees sway, and Mark feels entranced with their dance, he almost forgets about Yukhei’s hand right next to his own.</p><p>But then he feels it lay on top of his, encapsulating it between the cold stone and his own warm, calloused palm. He feels them scrape over his knuckles, and its riveting.</p><p>How scary it is to feel alive, Mark thinks.</p><p>No one else will ever be the same for him, not like the man or boy or friend that stands in front of him is. Yukhei Wong, the one with the million dollar smile and priceless heart.</p><p>“Show me then,” he says to Mark, whispers it between them, the small space between their bodies.</p><p>Distantly, Mark realises the orchestra has changed the song again, now to a slower and sadder piece. It’s one he personally requested be played at least once throughout the evening. It’s one you cannot dance to, but he knows the crowd will try.</p><p>But he’s not inside to care, and Yukhei holds his hand.</p><p>Maybe it’s not the summer Mark hopes for, but he will walk across that lawn.</p><p>He squeezes Yukhei’s hand and smiles. A genuine one this time. He pulls on Yukhei’s hand and starts walking down the steps that lead into the garden, two at a time. No one else is outside to see.</p><p>If he wants to, he can run into the woods past his perfect trees and run away like a princess with her prince. The person he loves.</p><p>The princess’ dress will catch and tear, and it’ll dirty, but her prince will help her fix her skirt so they can run further to safety and to a place they can be happy together. Mark would rid himself of his suit and tie, and run for the nearest station to take them far, far away.</p><p>Mark smiles over his shoulder, chuckling softly at the whole turn of events. He almost feels like a child doing the wrong thing, getting into all sorts of trouble.</p><p>“Follow me,” he breathes. Only Yukhei hears him with the orchestra over them.</p><p>Hand in hand, the two run across the grass, hopping from one lamplight to the next like crickets, their laughs lighting up the air the same way the gas does. It feels so weird and yet so right, that it’s almost laughable.</p><p>Five minutes ago and Mark feared his life. Every step he made. Every dance he posed. Every laugh he let out. Every piece he shared. Every moment of selfishness he gave to himself.</p><p>His fear still exists. The room inside his house is still dark. Cobwebs still reign in his heart. But the curtain is starting to slip, and every second he spends listening to Yukhei’s laugh illuminate the sky makes the light outside so much brighter. So much sweeter for when he finally welcomes it back into his life.</p><p>Yukhei giggles when Mark tugs on his arm, signalling they stray from the gravel path.</p><p>“Where are you taking me?” he asks, but the excitement bubbles through his voice and makes Mark walk even faster to where he wants to take them.</p><p>He shrugs as he runs.</p><p>“You’ll see.”</p><p>The tree Mark takes them to is the one his mother used to read stories under with him when he was still a little boy, one who still had a family The branches used to shorter and he could see the river swish in the short distance while the manor sat like a pretty painting on a hill. The stories his mother used to tell him always revolved around their house and the land, the fairies living in the trunks of the trees and the mermaids in the water.</p><p>She made the world alive with magic, like it used to glow.</p><p>Now though, the branches sag under the bright moonlight and the leaves look translucent when he draws closer to look at them. Mark pushes the leaves away and draws Yukhei closer the trunk of the tree where the roots make the ground uneven.</p><p>For a moment, no one speaks and all they hear is their own breathing. Mark almost squeals when he realises that they’re in sync, silent one second and alive the next.</p><p>The leaves sway.</p><p>“It’s beautiful here,” Yukhei says finally, although he doesn’t take his eyes off Mark.</p><p>He blushes under the attention, making his breath hitch. He looks away to where the leaves shine from the moon behind Yukhei’s back.</p><p>The way he feels whenever Yukhei’s around is different. It’s so unpredictable, the way they move, the way his emotions make him feel. So many things are new and unmarked with him.</p><p>Mark is used to security, not this. After the death of his parents and brother, the world around him made sure not a single bad thing would happen to him again. They pillowed every fall of his.</p><p>He’s never fallen hard before, but Yukhei’s eyes are sharp enough to pierce right through his heart. And Mark thinks he’d let him.</p><p><em>Wet grass</em>, Mark pictures when he looks down at his feet, breathing down his nerves. <em>What would it feel like to be lain down here, I wonder.</em></p><p>He looks up and matches Yukhei’s smile.</p><p>“Make me happy,” he says, once and for all. He decided long ago, right from the moment he met Yukhei. “Kiss me.”</p><p>And Mark thinks he’d prepared himself for the feeling of closure when they finally draw together, but he never anticipated the <em>thrill.</em></p><p>Yukhei kisses him with fervour, passionate in fire. He grasps for Mark in a way that makes Mark want to do the same. When Yukhei claws for him, he burns with want.</p><p>It’s slow at first, where Yukhei’s hands come to wrap around Mark’s surprisingly small waist. They fit perfectly like this, and Mark flings his arms over his neck to draw them closer together. Yukhei’s cheek is soft when Mark brings a hand to hold him steadfast against him. His fingers run through Yukhei’s soft dark hair, pulling gently on the ends.</p><p>Then the one breath they take together turns to fire.</p><p>“Yukhei-”</p><p>Mark’s world tilts when he’s pushed into the trunk of the time old willow tree, the bark catching against the expensive fabric of his suit coat. He feels Yukhei’s lips leave his mouth and travel down his jaw, biting down a trail to the sensitive parts of his neck, left open to take from his collar.</p><p>He moans when Yukhei sucks down and grazes his nails down the sides of Mark’s hips, over his pants. Soon his white shirt is untucked from his waistband and those calloused palms travel wherever they want to.</p><p>“Let’s run away,” Yukhei whispers into Mark’s ears after he lets out a particularly loud moan, one almost loud enough for the whole county to hear. He has to pant through the haze in his mind to hear what Yukhei is saying.</p><p>“What?” he says weakly, slumping his weight solely against the tree. Yukhei draws away from him suddenly and Mark feels cold.</p><p>He almost feels ashamed.</p><p>“Mark,” Yukhei calls out his name. It has him looking up right into the features of Yukhei’s face that the light of the moon allows him to see. “If I asked you to show the world that I’m yours, would you ever do that for me?”</p><p>The breath in Mark’s throat hitches. He flutters his eyes closed. All pleasure he felt before washes away, quickly.</p><p>“I-I…Yukhei, darling, listen to me-”</p><p>“Exactly.” Yukhei laughs, but it sounds broken. Defeated over something.</p><p>And it devastates Mark to know that he’s the cause of that.</p><p>He throws his hands up in the air, exasperated. What’s the use in being the bad guy? Why is it always him that has to be cautious and be scared and tear himself apart because he can’t choose to have the one thing that makes him happy? Why?</p><p>Fuck everything. Fuck this stupid world and its rules and the society in it and the people who think they’re better than others and just <em>everything</em>. Mark is sick and tired of all of it.</p><p>“If I asked you to do the same thing, would you?” Mark asks, growing angry. His legs under him lose weight and he falls to the ground, but neither of them move. Yukhei only looks pained when he glances down at Mark’s screwed up face.</p><p>He sighs, twisting his hands behind his back.</p><p>“Of course, I would.”</p><p>Mark scoffs. “Fucking bullshit.”</p><p>“I would because I actually care about you! And I don’t care about what the rest of the world thinks of me,” Yukhei rebuts angrily. He fist balls tightly against his side unconsciously, and Mark wonders if Yukhei wants to hit him.</p><p>No one here to pillow the fall or muffle the pain.</p><p>Mark clicks his tongue. He feels annoyed and stupid and childish. He’s ashamed of himself. Embarrassed.</p><p>“You’re so fucking stupid,” he starts lowly, gritting his jaw. He stares at the ground distastefully. “You think it’s as simple as you make it to be? We could be killed! We’ll be goddamn science experiments, for fucks sake. What do you not get?”</p><p>Yukhei stares at him, unspeaking, unmoving. Mark growls.</p><p>“Say something, fucking hell!”</p><p>“The world stopped being like that a long time ago, Mark.”</p><p>Mark shakes his head. “Are you serious, Lucas? We live in the 60s! We still have a long way to go before we’re not hunted like dogs.”</p><p>Yukhei leaves, turning his back and parting the branches to walk through them. Mark rises enough to see him hesitate in his steps.</p><p>“Where are you going? Come back!” he shouts. He slips furthers onto the ground and his head hits the grass harshly. He’s able to see Yukhei’s disappearing figure along with the full moon high up in the sky. Mark sighs and just watches the person he loves walk away.</p><p>When Yukhei speaks again, its watery and weak.</p><p>“You’ll never love me the way I deserve,” he cries. Then he’s gone. Mark no longer sees him. It almost seems like a figment of his imagination, this whole night.</p><p>The grass that indents into his cheek is scratchy and dry, almost dead.</p><p>Soon, Mark rises on his own and fixes his suit jacket. He walks back to his manor and smiles when he sees Donghyuck waiting outside for him patiently, shaking slightly. When Mark directs them back inside and gives over his jacket, Donghyuck thanks him for his generosity and asks where he’d gone.</p><p>Instead, Mark answers him with this:</p><p>“Hyuck, do you know where Mr. Wong went?”</p><p>Donghyuck shakes his head and digs his face further into the collar of Mark’s jacket.</p><p>“He’s gone. I’m sorry, sir,” Donghyuck answers, albeit a little sadly. Only his eyes look up to Mark questioning face. “He didn’t say why.”</p><p>The ball lasts until midnight, but Mark finds that the lights aren’t as bright as they were. Like a magician, Yukhei took it all with him.</p>
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